Times are Tough

We had parties last week, we had a big big party last night and I missed my run yesterday. I ate buffalo wings and barbaque and cheese cake and kalhua cake, and carrot cake and...well let us just say it was a bad bad night for weight loss at the house. So today over lunch I decide to run 3 miles.....it was the worst training run I can remeber, I actually had to stop and walk for a few seconds. I am not sure what my problem was, my legs just gelt like giant pillars of stone. It gets worse, I had the great idea of weighing when I got home from running, now I usually get mad at Kim for weighing after a day that she konws was bad and I have made it a rule not to weigh during the week except Friday mornings, but I guess I was glutton for punishment becasue I weighed and if today was the official Friday weigh in I would be a lot closer to 330 than I am 319 (which I thought I might hit this week) I wish I could say that I have everything under control and that those numbers are going to start going down again, but I still have Christmas Eve and Christmas to go!!! I have got to right the ship on these days that I don't have a lot of temptation so that I don't lose a lot of ground come January, I absolutley hate going backwards. If I make a wrong turn I will drive around the world not to backtrack (just ask my wife) anyway I will let you know how things go on weigh day, I am planning on working out again tomorrow and eating really really good today Thursday and Friday, so maybe I can weigh in on Saturday morning and not be too depressed for the weekend.

Running going well

Friday I ran 3 miles and Friday night we had our office party and I ate a ton!!! Saturday Kim and I went to Memphis to take Kiley to see Santa and get some last minute gifts for family and I did not follow the BFL eating plan very close, but I did not go overboard, these parties and holdidays really make sticking to eating less difficult, but I can tell that I just can not eat as much as did last year at this time. I think part of it is my body is not used to that much junk and part of it is mental and I feel like I am ruining all this that I have worked so hard for.

Sunday was a 4 mile day and for the first time in my training I decided to branch out to the streeets of the big city. Before this all my runs had been at the Park or just in my neighborhood, but for some reason Sunday I decided to take on downtown! I parked at the high school parking lot and ran down main all the way till the bridge and then took a right and ran up another road till I had gone 2 miles then tuned around and ran the same rout back. I had a couple of people (people I knew) yell words of support as I ran, it was pretty cool. For so long, and I am still like this to an extent, but I did not want to run around people becasue I do not look like a runner and I am not graceful like a runner, but I run so that makes me a runner and I am not going to worry as much about where I run anymore, (other than high traffic areas without sidewalks, those are kind of scary)

ONE pound

I lost a pound this week, one big pound, I am not going to complain, it's the holidays and I am losing weight! I run today and that is going well and all goals are still in sight.

Easy 3 Miler???

I never thought I would say that, but last night I actually ran 3 miles and it was not the herdest thing I have ever done. My legs felt great the whole way and my breathing was good too. I think I was even running a little faster then usual because my hear rate was running a little higher then usual also. Kim tells me that sometimes it just all comes together and a run is much smoother than normal, but that I should be ready that the next time I go out the door for the same distance it might be much harder. Of course the time before this when I ran, within in the first 5 minutes I was thinking I should just pack it in for the day because this sucks, who knows what will happen next time, but I am glad I am in good enough shape to enjoy this sport.

I weigh on Friday morning and I am pumped up about seeing the numbers go down again. We have a party tonight and another tomorrow night, and of course Christmas just around the corner, but I am still comitted to losing weight and not using the holidays as an excuse. I realize now that my goal to see 299 by Christams is not reality and 250 by my birthday is really wishful thinking, but 299 will come maybe even in January and 250 will be here soon enough if I just stay on track, and as far as I have come it is much to late to turn back. Almost everyone who I see that I have not seen in a while is telling be that I look smaller, it is really cool to be affirmed for all the hard work that goes into losing weight and getting in shape. For some it comes so easy, but I am not sure anyone who does not have an addiciton of some sort can understand what people who need to lose a lot of weight feel on a weight loss journey. Don't get me wrong there is not an excuse not to do it, but I guess if it was easy obesity would not be overtaking other diseases as the number one killer in America.

4 miles and a cloud of dust

Not really, it was one of the hardest runs I have ever had, but I achieved the two goals I had for it went I set out 1)Finish and 2)No walking. I knew I was in trouble when in the first 5 minutes I felt winded and was stuggling up the hills, but it got a little better. This is the first time in my life that I have ever run four miles (especially when not being chased) I ran the big loop around Craighead, which is quite hilly (not used to big hills) and when I got around to finish the third mile it was one of the biggest hills and in my mind I thought, this is it, I can go no further..must stop...must walk!!, but then that inner voive started say things like, "you will draw on this experiance in the 1/2 marathon if you just keep going, and how one mile is really not that far, and would I really want to go home and have to say, well I had to quit today, becase I felt tired? Not that I am saying that you should ever run through pain or do something stupid, but in this case I knew I was just uncomfortable and that is not a good excuse to stop running. On I went and it really got better becase on the other side of that hill was a downhill and then the last mile was really flat. Funny how running teaches me so much about life.

Down 2 Pounds this week

The Holidays have contributed to some slow going, but I am still on my way down. This week the scales reflect a 2.2 pound loss and I have run 3 miles twice with a lifetime first 4 miler coming up on Sunday.

It has been pretty cold around here the last couple of days, and as you runners know cold weather running gear is a litte form fitting. Not to give my nerighbors anything to talk about I usually run at the park when the weather calls for tights, but last night I was in a hurry and just decied to go out the front door and start running. Remeber I am a little self consious about the tights thing, so I had been going along for 10 minutes or so, and it's getting pretty dark, and this car comes up behind me and is shining their lights right on me and I am thinking what in the world are they doing??? they are just lurking behind me for what seems like minutes, finally I get out of the intersection they were wanting to turn into and they are gone. In reality I don't think anyone cares what I run in, it's just me being insecure, and that is what I think keeps so many people from just going out and doing something, I know it did me for a long time. There is a lot in that little slogan "Just DO IT" it kind of becomes addictive.

Welcome New Friends

I would like to welcome those who have joined this blog in process, my friend Chris Gonzalez has now linked to my blog, if you don't know who that is you can get there from a link on my blog. Anyway now the millions of people who read his blog might step over here from time to time and join the millions of my fatihful readers......well I do have Greg Brooks and my wife....Greg reads it sometimes. All that does not matter, the fact is if you are new to this blog join the crowd this is the first week anyone but me knew it existed. I know you are thinking, doesn't that defeat the purpose of a blog? why would you keep it a secret?? The fact is I did not trust myslef to follow through on some of the goals I set for myslef, and I did not want to let anyone down, but I did want to have some record of my journey. Although I am far from the finish line in this journey, I have felt enough sucesess to let my friends in family in on the blog. I have lost over 55 pounds and run a 5K, small goals, but completed goals. I am excited to have some new friends and family tuning in for the next goals and I am excited to share in that journey with you and the ups and downs that will come with it. I have struggled with weight all my life and only since I have applied some of the same priciples that I apply to my spiritual journey have I been able to have any real success at gaining control of it. For so long I felt that physical fitness was either something you had you or you didn't, kind of like the way I grew up in the "church" you were either in or your were out, you were saved and going to heaven and everything you did was pleaseing to God, or you were not and your were going to hell and you probably watched R rated movies. But I have since realzed that Jesus and I are on a wonderful journey and even though I don't have to questiong the eternal state of my soul, that is not the point, how can I grow closer to Him today? This weight loss thing has been very similar, I may never reach that point that I say, "It is finsished, I am in shape", but I am loving getting closer everyday and I realize, especially with good freinds on the road with me it really is the journey not the destination!

Finished 5K in 37:50!!!

Kim and Greg and I crossed the finish line of the Grizzley House 5K all together and in great shape and spirits. We finished in the top of half of the field with little over 12 minute mile pace. I am very excited that I am now officially a "runner" and look forward to continuing weight loss and the next big event, which looks to be the Nashville 1/2 marathon on April 29. I can't expalin the feeling of accomplishment that came with crossing the finish line. This setting a goal thing and seeing it through it very fulfilling and just makes for a great weekend.

After the race Kim and Greg and I went to Cafe Bon Ton one of the oldest little places in Memphis where Elvis used to hang out and had breakfast, then when went back and took showers in the locker rooms at Autozone Park. The guys showered in the Redbirds locker room and the girls in the visitors. As I went in the first finishers from the 1/2 were begening to come in, all of whick in great shape and just got finished averaging 5 - 6 min miles for 13.2 miles. I was in the shower with three of them, and they were looking at me like I was crazy. Finally I realized they thought this big fat guy just finised the race in the same time they did, one even asked ,"Did you have a pretty good race?" I know I could have told him I ran the 5K and just took awhile getting to the shower, but I took the ball and ran with it and told them it was a grea race for me juat a few seconds off my personal best!! I think they left thinking some 300 pound guy ran the same race they did in the same time. Pretty funny. I can't wait till Nashville and all the fun in between this racing stuff is kind of fun!

325 Today

Down 2 more today, even though the last couple of weeks have been very slow on the weight loss front the number continue to go down. So tomorrow I will Run the Grizzlie House 5K at 325, and celebrate 55 pounds lost!!!!

Final Training Run DONE!

Yesterday I ran all the way around Craighead Forest the big loop it was a little over 3 miles and it was great. I was just coming off my sickness and was really worried about making it but I did. It was a big mental run for me, I feel like I can take whatever Memphis throws at me now. I weighed this morning, just becasue I am impatient and can't wait till Friday moring to check and see where I am, and it was like 325, which would be a pretty big loss since the last time I weigh considering Thanksgiving. I have not done the math yet, but I may get close to 299 by Christmas! Well I will contiue to give updates on the weigh in and the 5K on Saturday. Be sure and continue to tune in sports fans, I can assure you that Saturday's 5k will not be the last athletic endeavor, I have heard rumor of the Shump going for a half marathon in Nashville!!! THIS APRIL

Feeling Better

Well I ate for the first time since Saturday night last night and it worked out pretty well. I am feeling better, I am going to run three miles today. I had an unoffical weigh in today since I had not weighed in last Friday since we were out of town and it said 327 whick would be a loss, but I am not getting to excited because the sickness may have had an impact on that number and it could be higher Friday, but it makes me feel good. I have to admit that I am getting a bit nervous about my run today, it will be the last 3 miler before Saturday's race and I need it to go well for my mental health. I will let you know

Back from Thanksgiving

I am back and just when I thought I would get back on track, I have come down with what seems to be a sickness very similar to the one I had just a few weeks ago, which seems to be purging my body at both ends. I have gotten better and need to run 3 miles tomorrow because my 5K is Saturday. I did run 3 miles last Thursday and it went as well as a fat man running 3 miles can be expected, my time was 39 minutes. This is a good 10 minutes behind my friend who is training to run with me. The good news about my sickness is that I seem to have lost any weight I might have gained over Thanksgiving. The bad news is I am weak and sore. I have faith that I will be able to gut out 3.1 miles on Saturday as long as certain symptoms of my current condition go away.

First Week with no loss

It was a hard pill to swallow, but it did not take a rocket scientist to realize why I didn't lose any weight this week. I have really not eaten poorly, just more food than I need to. It is hard to control portions when we go out to eat out of town, and there is something about being out of town that makes it harder to be real disciplined. Whatever the case may be the bright side is I did get in all my runs last week and have not fallen off the wagon by any means. I am not expecting much of a loss this week since we are leaving tomorrow night for Chattanooga for Thanksgiving. It looks like 299 by Christmas is slipping away, I am not going to give up on it quite yet, who knows what I might do in December, but if I don't make till sometime in January then it won't be the worst thing in the world. I am going to have to really re-commit after this weekend to have any chance of 299. I am still feeling great and the clothes are still getting more and more lose and I did by a new pair of pants that were 4 sizes smaller than what I was wearing, so things are going good.

Another loss

I got down into the 320's last week!! Actually I think it was 328.6, but that was last Thursday and sense then I have gone on a weekend getaway to Branson and a three day buisness trip with Dad to OK City. I have really tried to stay on the plan and do well during this time away, but I know I have eaten more than I usually do even though I have managed not to do fried foods or desserts. I leave agian Friday moring for NY City and that will be a big eating weekend, but I am hoping for a loss on Friday moring anyway, I will let you know next week.

I did run 2.75 miles while in OK and feel that the training is going well and that I will be able to make it through the 5K without walking barring any unforseen injuries. I will keep you updated.

Last Day in Office This Week

Tomorrow will be official weigh in day for this week, becasue I will be out of town till Sunday and you should never weigh the day after free day!! So I cheated a little and weighed this morining and have only lost .6 pounds, maybe my tomorrow it will look better. I have run 2.5 miles this week and have had a good week so far food wise, so I know if I was going to be in town to weigh Friday that I would make my goal of getting into the 320's, but alas it might have to wait till next week. I will blog it as soon as I know and can get to a computer. The rest of the month is going to be BUSY!! So if I don't blog as much you will know, but after the dust all settles after Thanksgiving weekend I am hoping to still be on my way to the 290's by Christmas!

Great Week

As I have finished up what I think is week 15 of the new lifestyle, I am glad to say that this week has yielded a 3.6 pound loss and I have run 2.25 miles without stopping!!! I love how the weight is continuing to come off, if I lose at lease 1.6 pounds I will be in the 320s next week..yeah!! a new number. I am still getting closer to another goal, of running in the 5K on Dec3. This whole process is about to get really really hard, I am going to be traveling quite a bit over the rest of the month. Monday I will be flying to Greenville, SC and then back in the office for two days and Kim and I take a weekend at Big Cedar, just in time to get back and go on a business trip to OK and then back in the office for two days and off to NYC for a weekend, and then just a few more days and off to Chattanooga for Thanksgiving. I am really going to have to concentrate and keep the goal in focus to not fall off the wagon during this time. I will let you know how it goes, I have put in way too much work to stop now!!

Down 3!!!

This week was a great week for weight loss as I am now at 335, now that I write it, it looks like a really big number, but when you think that is down 45 pounds that is a pretty big number also. And to top it all off while I was working out today a teen that goes to church with me came and asked how long I had been working out becasue I was looking good. As a former youth minister I am well aware of what it takes to get kids to notice anything so I felt very affirmed. I must be looking pretty difference this has been a week full of affrimation and I have to say I have needed it, the whole process has seemed so slow this week and it seems like i have so far to go, but with all these people taking notice, I know that my hard work is paying off and I feel healthy and all is going in the right direction.

Also this week I ran 2 MILES without walking (although my jog looks like a walk at times) and I am still on track for my big 5K in Memphis in Dec. I really would like to see the two hundereds by Christmas, but at this point I can't compalin much, I have loss at least a pound every week for 15 weeks now. And the best part of it all is tomorrow is FREE DAY!!!

More than numbers

I would be real disappointed today if I just realied on the scale to make me feel good about this process. I did lose, so that is better than gaining, but it was only 1.2 pounds. I know I should be happy with a loss any loss, but this is not the pace that is going to see 299 by Christmas. I got to thinking, this week I have jogged, without stopping, 1.5 and 1.75 miles, I have biked 10 miles and I have not missed a workout for another week. All of those are things I should be very happy about and I am, also I looked back at the week and realized that i cheated on Friday night, had a real big free day and then cheated with P.F. Changs and birthday cake on Sunday night and then cake again on Tuesday night. I am very happy with a small loss. I am not going to allow this to discourage me, I will do better next week and besides my clothes are fitting much much more lose!!

Exercise Update

I am in week 2 of the my 5K training plan and yesterday I ran 1.75 mile in about 22 minutes. I am excited about that for a fat boy!! I have really enjoyed getting out and being more active. I hope to finish the Grizzlie House 5K on Dec 3 in Memphis without having to stop and walk. Of course this is also contributing to the overall weight lose plan and getting fit. I hope to have a good weight loss when I weight this Friday, I can really tell the pants I am wearing today are much more lose than the last time I wore them.

At this time in the procsee I feel like it is going so slow, just a couple of pounds a week. At this rate it will be a long while before I reach my ultimate goal, but the exercise part really helps me stick with it becasue I have another way other than weight to gage my progress. In the words of Will Ferrell in Old School, I just have to "keep on trucki'n"!!

Another week Another 2.8 pounds!!!

This has been a great week for me and the program. This week 13 of the plan saw me running a whole 1.5 miles (very slowley about 18 minutes) losing some more weight (2.8 pounds, bringing the toal over 40 and my weight under 340) and riding 10 miles on my bike on Saturday in a charity bike ride! I am not sure how I can hope to top that this week, but I will try. I have not been a good eater this weekend, last night I went to P.F. Changs and ate too much, it was all good stuff, except for the birthday cake, but it was just too much stuff. I hope I can make up for it as the week goes on and still post a loss this week.

This weekend was the Ironman in Hawaii, I have been looking at the pictues on the website and reading about the day. I have to say I would love to go from 380 pounds to an Ironman!! I know this will not happen overnight, and I will have to become a much better swimmer, but I think it can happen if I put enough time and energy into it. One goal at a time and for now it is a 5K in Memphis on Dec 3!!! And to weigh under 300 pounds by Christmas!!

End of 12 weeks

Today was the final weigh in of the first 12 week period of my workout and diet plan. I started this whole thing at around 380+, and today weighed in at 341, that is a total of around 40 pounds. I am excited to continue on in the process and see what another 12 weeks can do. As part of the next 12 weeks I am going to run a 5K in Memphis, TN on Dec 3. I rewared myslef with new running shoes when I got under 350, I hope to reward myslef with a new road bike when I get under 300, and finally reward myslef with a new Ironman scaled that measures body fat and all that good stuff when I get under 250. I know that I am not half way to my goal yet, but it seems so much closer, I cannot imagine having go through the starting process all over again and getting used to this lifestyle, but at this point, 12 weeks down the road it seems very normal, and hard to imagine my old lifestyle...does that even make sense?? Anyway, I am feeling good, I am stronger, my clothes are fitting much better, and I can actually run for like 5 minutes walk for 2 run for 5 walk for 2 run for 5. All of this leading me to my ultimate goal of weighing around 220 and doing an Olympic Distance Triathlon. I hope to do some shorter sprint Tri's and 5ks and 10ks and some bikes races along the way, and those are all pretty big goals to me in themselves, but I think it is OK now to let you know the ultimate goal...well if I am going t ogo that far I might as well tell you that the real ultimate goal in my mind it to be able to say I went from almost 400 pounds to being able to complete an Ironman. That has sounded kind of silley in my mind for a long time, but I continue to make the small steps and even though this ultimate goal may be a couple years a way, I know with persistance and a little luck and a lot of hard work it can happen.

10 Weeks Down

The end of this first 12 week period is just around the corner. I have been so sick for the last week that I have only gotten in a couple of workouts. I am really hoping to hit these last two weeks pretty hard. I know I am going to stick to the program at least one more 12 week period, but I am going to add a 5k training program to the next 12 weeks that will culminate with a 5k in Memphis on Dec 2. I will continue to set the small goals like that until I reach my ultimate goal of being under 225 pounds. My first reward will be new shoes, that was what I told myslef I would get when I went under 35o. I hope to get them this weekend. Next will be a new road bike when I get under 300. Then under 250 I am hoping to get a new scale that measures body fat. I am going running today with Kim and look forward to continuing a healthy lifestyle.

Under 350

I have reached a milestone, I am officailly under 350 pounds. This may not seem like a big deal to some, but in less than 10 weeks I have lost a little over 30 pounds. This week I can see the end of my first 12 week section and I have missed more workouts this week than the whole time combined. I am sick!! I have been nauseated and had a horrible heahache and muscle pains. I went to the doctor and he gave me some medicine and just said to get plenty of rest and fluids. I Got my workout in on Monday, but have missed Tuesday and today. I hope to be back at it on Thursday. With any luck I will still lose some weight this week. I want to finish these last couple of weeks strong and then springboard into another 12 week program the first 8 of which I will also be doing a 5K training program to run on DEC 3, in Memphis. I will give out more details as I know them.

Middle of week 7

Last week I lost over 4 pounds. I figure I have lost around 20 in all since the start of this 12 week program. I am feeling much more physically fit. Don't get me wrong I am another couple of 12 week periods from being anywhere near fit, but I am closer than I was 7 weeks ago. Phillip and Brooks and Kim have been great support and Chris and Blake have been working out with me when they can. I have now gotten to the point where I feel like I have missed something if I don't workout everyday. I have missed 2 days in the last 7 weeks but other than that I have stayed on course. I really want to get under 350 in the next couple of weeks so I can buy new shoes. I told myslef when I started that I was going to reward myself with new running shoes if I got under 350 and I am only 8 pounds away. It will be the first time I have been that low in a few years. I think that will be a giant mental hurdle for me to get under 350, becasue after that I can have my sights set on the 200's for the fisrt time in 5 or 6 years.

Week 5

Half way through week 5 and I think I have lost some weight. Like I said before I can't weigh a lot until I get under 350 and last time I weighed which was Sunday was 365. Just 15 more pounds and Iwill be weighing on normal scales. Funny what you look forward to when trying to lose weight.
Today was a leg workout and I felt that I did not push myslef as much as I might should have. I did no lunges with weight that felt like I just could not do one more, but the others were pretty easy. I am sure more people will begin to notice that I am losing weight soon. Of course right now my weight loss is somewhat like a deck chair falling off the Titantic. Oh well half way through this first 12 week BFL plan and looking forward to free day on Saturday!

Last Day of Week 4

Well here it is, 1/3 of the way home. Just 8 more weeks to go and the first 12 weeks will be down. For me to reach my goals I might need another couple 12 week periods, but right now let's get through this first 12. I have done my workout for today, but yesterday got so hectic I missed my first BFL workout that I missed the whole time. I really felt guilty, so I may (as a good church of christ member) make up for my sin by working out on the free day. The biggest hurrdle to sticking with the plan is that life is very fast paced. I feel like I always have something to do, some place to be, and some work to get done. Maybe if I quit blogging I would have more time????????????

4th Week

Half way through the fourth week and things are going well. I am still not sure how much if any weight I have lost. I have not weighed since I started becasue I know I am over 350 and the scales don't go up any higher, if I had to guess I would say I started out around 370 or so. I need to lose about 20 pounds before I can start weighing at the Trim Gym. I think I will try at the end of this week and see what the scale does. I know my pants feel a little more lose and some have told me it looks like I am losing some weight. I feel like I am doing a real good job of sticking to it and my friends are a real big help. My lifting workouts are going great and my areobic could be a little better, I am still to heavy to jog and I am not a great biker and I swim like a bulldog (they can't) but I think it will all become easier as I lose weight. I will give an update as soon as I can on the actual poundage.

Good Day

Today has started off very well. I got up little earlier than usual and got out the door with my whole wheat low fat nurti grain waffels and Kiley and my swim trunks and kick board. Today I plan on trying to do a swim workout over lunch. I am really feeling good, but I have don't have a access to a scale that will weigh me yet, which means I am still over the 350 mark. But I know I have to be on my way to under 350 soon, because I feel pretty healthy and my clothes seem to be fitting a little more losely. Anyway we had some real good turkey spaghetti last night and I am looking forward to my swim later. I hope to get in good enough shape to actually work out with people soon, like maybe the Ridge Riders or Kim's running group. Right now I am making the mental jump to thinking like an athlete and thinking I am in shape, but it does not take too much aerobic activity to remind me that I am still in the begening phase of getting in shape. I hope to be able to keep up enough on a beginers ride soon, or at least be able to run a mile or 2. But for now i will continue the Body for Life plan and know that the results will come.

Just My Thoughts

Today I am 2 and 1/2 weeks into Body for Life. I am about to go workout right now. I don't have time to write down all my thoughts, but just wanted to get something on here to let everyone know that I am doing well and that I think I am losing weight and getting stronger. I have to go meet Kim at the Trim Gym and do a leg workout today. I am not going to give this site out to any of my friends because I want it to be my personal journal, that I can look back on when this journey is much further down the road. That may seem a little weird,but everyone knows I am tring to lose weight and get in better shape and they are doing a good job of keeping me accountable, but this is also where I can talk bad about them if I want. Maybe I will learn to post pics to chroniacal the journey, but for right now I have not even weighed. But I know it is going well. Got to go.

Some inspirational ramblings

Today is the first day I am posting anything about this journey. I would just like to thank my good freinds Phillip and Brooks for helping me have the courage to start down this road, and my wife Kim for loving me through my many trials and failures.

I am just back from working out, I accidently packed underware instead of workout shorts, so I had to go home and get some shorts as not to cause others in the Trim Gym to lust. Today has not been an easy day to stay on plan. After going home to get my shorts I noticed the cake that had been left over from house church the previous night, I really wanted some but I abstained, then I went to Arby's and they compelty messed up my order and I wanted to just say forget it I will go to Pizza Hut!!!! This has really been a difficult day and a half or so I am not sure why. But last night I was talking to my good friend Dan and he is a little of the hefty side himself and we were talking about what makes you just do it, it's not the plan or the food or the working out, it is just drawing a line in the sand and saying "this is importnat to me, this is the most importatn thing, next to God and family to me" and that is a risk becuase if you fail at something you that much importance on you could really feel like a big loser. "Every man dies, only few men truly live" William Wallace.